The Write Way

Just trying to find my way

So I have a good excuse this time for not blogging the entire month of September. Things have really begun to take a toll on me with my daughter and I'm trying to find my way. As I've told you before, my husband and I adopted both of our children and while it was a wonderful experience, the last few months have been rough.

As you may already know, I value the privacy my children deserve so I try to share without telling EVERYTHING about them. So, let's just say my daughter suffered some pretty rough trauma before she came to live with us and it still haunts her today. I've been struggling with what services and assistance she needs and this process has brought me to a pretty important conclusion - I am going to have to analyze just how much longer I can work a traditional 40 hour per week job. It just doesn't leave enough time to do what my daughter needs me to do.

And yes, I still dream of having my own business and I've made a few decisions on that end. But I am still nervous about taking the plunge, setting a date to resign and leaving the business world behind. I am making progress though. I have at least, come up with a plan. Like most moms I am struggling to get it all done, and now, as I discover the special needs and attention my daughter will require, I find myself less and less interested in going to work.

I know there are many moms struggling with some of the same concerns I have and as I take this journey I hope to hear from some of you trying to decide how to get the right work/life balance. Stay tuned, later this week I'll tell you a little more about my daughter, my plan and about the things you need to remember if you decide to adopt from your state child welfare system.

Enough Already!

So I wasn't going to comment on the whole Michael Vick thing as I think it has been way over done. But hey, I just can't help myself.

First, let me way that I am very disappointed in Vick and what he did was absolutely wrong. Having said that, I have to admit that I'm little amazed by the outpouring for these animals. While I believe that animals are God's creatures and harming them in the way that Vick did means you may have some serious demons to deal with, but I can't say that I remember the same outpouring when an athlete has done harm to a human being.

Kobe Bryant was accused of rape, get that, rape. During the trial and all of the drama surrounding it, Bryant would fly back and forth to court on a Laker plane and never missed a game.

Jason Kidd hit his wife in the mouth, allegedly because she objected to him eating one of their son's fries, and not once, did he miss play.

Many have been arrested for drunk driving, turning tons of steel into a deadly weapon, but they play anyway.

Now some may say hey, Bryant had a right to play until he had his day in court.  But Vick didn't get that chance. He was suspended immediately and tried and convicted before he ever rendered that guilty plea. And then there are those who say he should never be allowed to play again. Give me a break. Whatever happened to doing your time and then having the chance to redeem yourself and become a part of society?They allow convicted felons, child molesters, murders, you name it, to work. Sure, I don't think he should be allowed to be a manager in a pet store, but not play football? I don't know if I can go along with that.

He's pleaded guilty, he'll be sentenced and punished. After that, let the man move on with his life, what more do we want from him? Football is all he knows and like many athletes, I am sure he was given a pass on a lot of things he may have done wrong because he was good on the field. And now, because many of us believe he's taken his privilege too far, we want to strip him of it all. In my city a coach just recently suspended eight players for leaving campus more than once even when they were told not to, during the school day.

They didn't get to play in the season opener. Some parents thought the punishment was too harsh. I disagree. If we don't start holding them accountable for their actions now, then later, when we think they should know better, we want to impose rules that they've never had to follow - talk about a double standard. Say what you will, Vick was an awesome football player and no matter what the league does, no matter what anyone may think of him now, there's no taking that away from him.

The N-Word

Earlier this week, the NAACP had a mock funeral as a symbolic gesture of the organization's belief that Black folks should kill their use of the N-word.

For those of you who may not be keeping up with this issue, it's been a hot topic of late. The N-word, as we all know, was a derogatory term for Black people used first during slavery and oppression. In present day, many Black people have turned it into just a word used when talking with one another, some say a term of endearment ( I wouldn't go THAT far, but to each his own). And while Blacks use the term in everyday dialogue with each other and while rappers use it more than they use their own names, it isn't a term the Black community wants to hear others use to describe them.

So the argument goes, is that hypocritical? Truthfully, we each have to determine that for ourselves. I know that I can see both sides of the argument, but more importantly, and as usual, I think we are focusing on the wrong thing. I mean, let's be real, when a White person calls a Black person the N-word, it isn't because they love them. And as to what we (as Black folks) call each other, well, that's our business - whether it makes sense or not.

What I do know is that while we are having a mock funeral for the N-word, black-on-black crime is steadily increasing, the justice system is turning back the clock in our schools and soon segregation may once again reign supreme (and you can already see how predominately black schools are treated unfairly), racism still abounds in the workplace, the criminal justice system houses Black men like it's some kind of dormitory and there are still more Black children growing up in foster care than any other race.

So while I think having a conversation about the N-word may be important, we have bigger issues at hand. And while we worry about who is calling us the N-word, we need to be more concerned with who is treating us like one. If we don't get it together, before we know it, the clock will turn back on much of the progress we as a people have made, now THAT, is something to mourn.

The Great Balancing Act

So it's been a while since I've blogged... no excuses, here I am. I promise not to take such a hiatus again but I needed some time to think. I was working hard at trying to get my writing career off of the ground, so hard in fact that I was applying for work I really didn't want to do. Each time I quoted a job I was afraid I had bid too high. I had to remind myself of my worth and how not to devalue what I am capable of doing.

And then of course, I still work full time, have two children, a husband and a dog. I didn't know if I was coming or going, (and some days I still don't). There was the house work, the non-profit, and the list goes on. So, since bolstering my writing business wasn't a must, and I couldn't very well stop being a mommy and a wife, I let it take a back seat while I did a bit of reevaluating.

The truth is, while I am back at the grind, I am still in a desperate search for that new buzz word, BALANCE. How in the world do I find time to work (gotta pay those bills), take care of children, be a good wife, keep a house going, volunteer, attend church functions AND start a business? Someday I don't seem to be able to get my head above water. No matter how many times I clean a bathroom, cook a meal or wash a dish, there's always more housework to be done. And no matter how many times I tie a shoe, wipe a runny nose, fix a plate or put a band-aid on a scratch so small you need a magnifying glass to see it, my children still want the majority of my time. And I still haven't fed the dog or said a word to my husband!

Truth is, like I've said before, my 9 to 5, the job that pays the bills, is really in the way. I know I've said this before but I am still not quite ready to just take the plunge in my business without the safety net of a check I know I can count on. So, here I sit - trying to figure out how to make it all work. Got any suggestions? Until then, I'm making a few adjustments that I hope will work... I'll let you know how it goes.

way. I know I've said this before but I am still not quite ready to just take the plunge in my business without the safety net of a check I know I can count on. So, here I sit - trying to figure out how to make it all work. Got any suggestions? Until then, I'm making a few adjustments that I hope will work... I'll let you know how it goes.

Some Time To Reflect

Ok, let me start by apologizing right off the bat. It's been almost two weeks since my last post. I've been doing a little soul searching and a little thinking (always a dangerous concept) and I've come up with a few things I wanted to share.

First, the gowns giveaway was a success. We are sure there will be more phone calls as the proms draw nearer and we will help anyone that contacts us. Planning for that event, as well as writing a few grants for the non-profit have taken a lot of time.  I've re-discovered just how much I enjoy that and my hope is to blend my writing with my passion for the non-profit.  I had fun writing the press releases and flyers and sending them out to the media. I got quite a bit of air time for us on TV, print and radio.

A writing career can be tough to get off of the ground, especially when you work full time. So, while I am still pursuing a writing career, I've learned not to let the desire consume me. I've also learned that I can put my writing skills to good use for the non-profit and assist the girls in our program.

Many of our girls don't write well and their speech is even worse. I guess this time off has given me the chance to realize that even if I don't get the chance to become a writer full time, there's still much I can do with the gift I've been given. 

The girls are getting ready to elect officers for the group. They are required to write a speech explaining why they are the best candidate for a particular position. It's been fulfilling to help them with their speeches and give pointers on how to present themselves.

So for now I'll continue to work on my writing career but I won't let the disappointments when I don't get a bid depress me - there's too much for me to do for that. Besides, my girls need me and that's a feeling no writing job can match.

Girls, Gowns and Grants

I know, I know. Today is Thursday and I'm just getting around to Monday's blog. It's been a tough week!

I don't know if I've ever mentioned it, but my sisters and I started a non-profit about five years ago (can't believe it's been that long already!!). It's called Sisters Empowering Women. Inc. We work with at-risk teenage girls, especially those in foster care (no big surprise considering, right?) and adult women.

Anyway, along with my writing career, I really feel led to make the non-profit all that it can be; and many times I use my writing skills for the agency. We are working on fitness and nutrition this year and I've been busy writing grants for funding (I had two due in the last three weeks). We also give away evening gowns for prom and homecoming each year to girls who can't afford them.  So, I've been working hard getting ready for prom season.

The girls are always so appreciative and excited about the chance to pick out a pretty gown just like all the other girls. I wanted to write about some of those girls this week.

Many are in foster care and would have had to wear a gown a social worker had from their prom 8 years ago. Some are living with a mom or dad that had no idea where they would get the money from for the ticket much less the dress. Girls in the program don't understand the basics for taking care of themselves even as some approach their 18th birthday (and will be forced to live on their own).  Some are struggling in school and most lack basic life skills. Some have left the group, not wanting to follow the rules we set forth and the guidelines for participation - many return, wishing they hadn't left and with the tough life scars to prove it. One came to see us just today, pregnant and regretting that she didn't take the advice and help we offered that could have prevented pregnancy.

I have realized that one of the reasons I work is to take care of not only my two children, but the children of mothers and fathers who can't and even some who just won't.

No matter what state you live in, foster care is a reality. And imagine, if you grew up in a group home without the help to be successful, there are a lot of men and women walking around still struggling with how to be a responsible adult - they just didn't have a proper model to follow. I hope that some of you will take the time to research agencies where you can make a difference.

Take a look in your closet, do you have a dress or suit you can donate? Is there a young boy or girl in your neighborhood without a mom or dad that you might mentor? Or, maybe you can spread the word about a worthy cause and inspire others to donate.

We begin giving out dresses next Saturday. I'll let you know how it goes. No matter how hard my day may have been, spending time with these girls lets me know just how blessed I am.

Take A Number

So by now, if you've read any good portion of this blog, you know that I am the mother of two adopted children. Both were in foster care and my husband and I were their foster parents as we waited for things to be finalized.

What you don't know is that being a foster parent exposed me to a world I knew little about. I grew up in your average middle class family. My parents did what was necessary to provide for us and even when things were lean, I never knew it. So public assistance programs and how they work were foreign to me.

But when you foster, your children are eligible for certain benefits. For example, all children in foster care in Florida receive Medicaid and infants get WIC (Women, Infant and Children) a program that provides milk and dairy products for women and their children in low economic tax brackets. Foster children receive these benefits because as wards of the State, it is the State that is ultimately responsible for their care.

They recommend that all foster parents take advantage of the benefits the children are eligible for because the more you pay for out of pocket, the more many in the State sometime expect you to pay for.

So, it started with WIC. I was given an appointment time to show up, sign my name and receive coupons for my foster child's formula and cereal for the month. My appointment time was 8:30 a.m. I arrived 15 minutes early and figured I was all set... yeah right.

I arrive only to find that the appointment time is useless, I must take a number, like in the deli line, and wait for my number to be called.

Then, it was off to the doctor. First, finding a decent pediatrician that takes Medicaid is a joke. Finally, I find one, and make an appointment. Again, I arrive about 15 minutes early to fill out the necessary paperwork. Four hours later, I get the prescription for my daughter's ear infection.

Recently, a dear friend of mine went to see her Medicaid OBGYN. She had pap smear that came back abnormal. You would think the next step would be to order more tests right? No, the doctor told her that since she didn't have HPV, (Human Papilloma Virus), they would just wait a year and then retest. Fortunately she insisted that her primary physician send her to another doctor who ran the appropriate tests and learned that she has pre-cancerous cells in her cervix. They are scheduling out patient surgery to remove the cells.

So what's my point? It's simple. The way people on public assistance are treated is deplorable. They deserve the same level of care as anyone else. I mean, four hours at the doctor? Give me a break. It was as though they figured I didn't have a job anyway and could afford to just sit there. And my friend - how frustrating can it be to have an abnormal test and no answers as to why and a doctor who says "Abnormal? no worries!" Get real!

Fortunately for me and my children, I had the resources to just pay for a doctor if I had to - it would have cost a pretty penny, and I would have to rework the budget, but at least I had the option.

But for my friend and thousands like her, they have no other choice. So, what are they to do?

Now that my children are officially adopted and I was able to add them to my insurance, I've switched pediatricians and decreased my wait time. I look forward to the day that my friend can do the same.

Equal Pay for Equal Work

A story I heard last week left me so mystified I found myself checking the calendar. I wanted to make sure this was really the 21st century and the year was really 2007. It was hard to tell from the story I read.

The article came from the sports pages oddly enough and it had to do with Wimbledon and the pay received for men and women. Just last week, the classy folks at Wimbledon finally decided to give the same amount of prize money to the women's and men's champion.

Gee and it only took them, what, 30+ years?

According to several news reports, Wimbledon blazed the trail for Open tennis in 1968 and began the practice of paying women less money from the very beginning. Sure, over the years the gap between the genders has narrowed but get real, why was there a gap in the first place?

Three-time Wimbledon champion Venus Williams said it best, "I am disappointed that the home of tennis is sending a message to women across the world that we are inferior," Williams said. Amen to that!

And so after stinging words from Williams and heavy lobbying from Tennis legends like Billie Jean King and Chris Evert, along with British politicians who voiced their concerns about the practice, Wimbledon finally caved in.

It's ridiculous that in 2007 it takes lobbying, pressure and well, down right embarrassment to get an establishment like Wimbledon to treat men and women equally. Wimbledon should have been a leader in such a forum. And Venus is right, the message you send is that women aren't as important, that their contribution to the sport is somehow worth less than a man's. How do you think that makes young girls feel - girls who are already grappling with self-image and self-esteem issues?

It isn't just about the prize money. Unequal pay is like saying as a woman, you just aren't as valued or needed. Believe me, there are a lot of tasks that would go undone were it not for women. Besides, how can you justify paying a woman less to do the exact same thing the man making more is doing. I mean, do they swing the racket differently or something?

I hope that women and men will read one of the many articles written about the Wimbledon equalized pay issue to their daughters, nieces and granddaughters. I hope they will explain the deeper meaning. It shows that even in 2007, when we've come so far, we still have a very long way to go, and while I am happy for the progress, as a woman, it still makes me sad. 

Sounds Like A Good Idea... Right?

This week I decided to give you an update on how things are going with my business. I've had a few highs and one definite low. 

Let's start with the highs, it makes me feel better. I attended a networking event and picked up a client or two and I did a few small jobs from some websites where I've posted my credentials. Things seemed to be going well, and then...

One of my clients gave me a call to thank me for my work and to find out how I wanted to receive payment. She also had a suggestion for me, "take a look at your website" she said.

Weeks earlier, on the suggestion of a colleague I went to a site that would host my web pages for free in exchange for allowing advertisers to put up small ads and banners. You know, you've been to a site where there may be a small ad on the side about working from home, funding for college, home loans, etc.  I figured, sounds like a good idea right? WRONG!

Turns out one of the ads they included was an ad from the site-hoster about how you can add free video to your website. Some of the sample video shown was rather tacky and not something you would want a client to see. My client was kind enough to let me know, but there's no telling how many others saw the ad. The ads rotate so some may have seen it, some may not have. It had to be my lowest day. But it did teach me a lesson.

Even though I'm still in the beginning stages of formalizing my business, I can't afford to take short cuts. It's better to have no website than to have the catastrophe I just endured. It took the wind out of my sails but I'm surviving. It's a mistake, the first of many I am sure. This has also taught me that if I'm going to make my business grow, it's no longer just about how well I write, it's the entire package.

So I am taking my punches in stride. I've deactivated the website and will wait until I can get a quality site (I'm no web designer) that's advertisement free!

I'll keep you posted. Meanwhile, if you have any war stories from your small business adventures I'd love to hear them - it will let me know that I'm not alone and that there's still hope for my success. - Until next time!

The Grammys and the President of the United States

I've successfully stayed away from any talk of the Iraq War, but after watching the Grammys last night I've decided that it's the perfect time to weigh in on one part of the War issue.

Last night the Dixie Chicks won three of the coveted awards at the Grammys including Album of the Year and Song of the Year. Their song, Not Ready to Make Nice expresses their feelings over the way they've been treated since one of the group members expressed her feelings about President Bush.

About three years ago, the group's lead singer, Natalie Maines ruffled quite a few feathers when she said she was ashamed that the President was from her home state of Texas.  She received death threats and country music fans protested and threatened to turn off their radios if stations played Dixie Chicks music.

Huh?

I am not a fan of President Bush; I voted for the other guy (heck, I'm not even a country music fan). And perhaps some would say that my own feelings may have a lot to do with the way I view Maines' comments, but c'mon, death threats?  We in America have to decide which side of the fence we want to be on.  How can we embrace the concept of freedom of speech and then, the minute someone says something we don't agree with, threaten to kill them?  Deciding not to listen to Dixie Chicks music is one thing, taking the time to write a letter with the exact time and location you plan to kill Maines is something quite different.

I oppose the war and I think President Bush was less than honest when he asked Congress to authorize going to war - because of that, thousands of Americans have died.  But I don't wish harm to come to those who disagree with my opinion.  Just as I have a right to oppose the war, they have the right to agree with it.  What ever happened to good old-fashioned differences of opinion? It's what makes life exciting. When did it turn violent?  It's almost as if any opposition to the war or the President is seen as well, un-American. But how can that be? This land is full of different cultures, races, ethnic groups, you name it. There are bound to be different views.

Ok, let's try putting it into perspective in this way.  Anybody still talking about Michael Richards? Remember him -the comedian who played Krammer on Seinfeld who used the "N" word during a stand up routine as though it was just another adjective? There was outcry at first, but no death threats. Now, it's a distant memory, and he's still working as a stand up comic. Yet, almost three years later people just can't forget what Maines had to say. According to 60 Minutes, the song is only number #38 on the Billboard Charts because many still refuse to support the group. And she is still receiving death threats. Funny how differently the two situations are viewed, isn't it?

Whether you agree with her or not, this country was founded on allowing her the right to express her self, even if it means saying she isn't a fan of George Bush. She didn't break any laws or threaten the President's life, she simply said she just doesn't particularly like the guy; many have said much worse and I am sure many more will.  If you want to boycott their music, go ahead, but I don't understand how people can't see that resorting to death threats is much worse than Natalie Maines wishing the President was from Nebraska.