The Write Way

Two Little Words

So I started this blog as a way to put my thoughts down and as a way to free myself from what I sometimes am ashamed to admit. It's strange because intellectually I know it's nothing to be ashamed of, but socially... well that's a different story.

When you have children and for me a daughter especially, you dream of all of the things the two of you will share - shopping together, having a girls day out, watching her as she discovers boys, helping her pick out the hair style she likes best, those kinds of things.

Well, my relationship with my daughter hasn't always been what I had hoped. I've always believed that there was some sort of trauma in my baby's life and some heredity that has caused her to have some real difficulty. And even as I write about it now, it's hard to actually type the words.

Truthfully, part of it is that I believe that my daughter, even at her age, has a right to her privacy. But in part it's because I just don't know how people will react. In the African American community, seeking counseling for whatever the reason isn't done often. We just don't believe that it's necessary, that's something other folks do. I hope that eventually I'll find the courage to really address it, even in this blog, in hopes of helping someone else find a way to deal with a child with challenges.

I've had to learn to alter my expectations of what my relationship with my daughter will be like. And I'm learning that different is OK.  She can be delightful at times and I am learning to just embrace those times and to be there for her when she's having a rough go of it. She's still young and my prayer is that eventually, she might get over the hump. My mother is convinced that by middle school she will be just fine - that God will make it alright. And while I believe that God can do anything, I want to be sure that I am prepared for the reality that He may decide to leave things as they are.

I am also learning to be grateful for her challenges. Not grateful in the way you might think, but grateful for what it has taught me and for the fact that I have been blessed with the opportunity to be the mommy that will help her with those challenges. It's taught me how to pray even the more. And I can truly say I know what it means to really put the needs of someone else before my own.

So bare with me. I am working on getting up the courage to use two words in my writing as it relates to my daughter. Two very powerful words that while I have been able to say them in my head and even use them out loud once or twice, writing them seems to be a lot harder for me. For now though, when you say a prayer, say one for my daughter and for her mommy and daddy and brother. We are all impacted by her disability and we are all the better for it. 

Changing Priorities

You know it's funny. When I was younger, all I wanted to be was a reporter. I wanted to cover the news, particularly education and write stories that were compelling, thought provoking and easy to read. I held on to that dream from elementary school and on into college. I majored in Journalism and after graduation, I became the education reporter for a bureau of my hometown newspaper.

The long hours came with the territory and I didn't mind it at all. I was living my dream - or so I thought. It's funny how your priorities can shift and change your entire perspective. Now, I want nothing more than for the workday to come to an end so that I can get home to what matters most to me -being a wife and a mother. But as the economy worsens and more and more of us are just trying to keep our jobs, it irritates me to see what many employers are doing. While I am no longer working as a reporter, I am still in the Communications field. And often I feel pressured to check e-mail when I have a sick child or I am really off and on vacation. They just aren't family friendly.

Take today. My oldest child is a chronic asthmatic and this allergy season has been rough. It often starts with sneezing and itchy eyes but in the blink of an eye, he develops a deep and sometimes painful cough. He had trouble sleeping last night and so I kept him home for part of the day. But once he began to perk up a bit, I asked how he felt about me going to work for the second half of the day while he goes to grandma's office with his sleeping bag to watch a movie and relax. He wasn't thrilled but he agreed. I felt awful but I also felt pressured to get into the office and work. I hate feeling as though I am obligated to work, even when I need to be there for my children. And as you know, I have a younger child with special needs. I want to spend as much time as I need to making sure her issues are addressed. But with this economy, everyone is so concerned about having a job, (me included) that we find ourselves committing more time to work. I feel that I must give 200 percent to work to make sure I keep my job.

I am sure many of you feel the same. But here's what I propose (or at least what I plan to do for me). Right now, I know my family needs my income so I'll keep working. But I am going to use my burning desire to spend more time parenting and less time working on someone else's dime to motivate me. Take tonight. It's after 11 p.m. and I am to report to work at 7 a.m. tomorrow. But I'm up writing - because my goal is to use my background as a writer to further my blog, gain more freelance opportunities and promote my website on adoption. Each day I'll report to work, grateful for a job, but secretly finding the motivation to turn my passion into a way of life and a means to help support my family. If you feel the way I do, then I challenge you to do the same. Research how possible it might be to turn what you love into a business. Look for franchising opportunities or work-from-home sites. And never let anyone make you feel guilty for taking time to care for your children (I'm still working on that one myself). The next time I have a sick little one, I'll let you know what I decided to do about work.

No Excuses

Ok, so I have no excuse for how long it's been since I've blogged on this site. All I can say is forgive me. If you knew what the last year has been like, you'd understand. Remember my babies? My daughter has had a really tough time over the last year. She's been tested, poked, assessed - good Lord, I think a doctor's office gives her the creeps.

But I had to do it. She's been diagnosed with a host of issues. And although I'm not ashamed of the diagnoses, I still can't bring myself to actually put the name in print. Part of me is worried that people who read this and actually know me might treat my daughter differently when they see her. And part of me feels as though it's her "business" so to speak. And then there is still a part of me that's worried about how people will react to me. You see, I've been pretty tenacious about having my daughter assessed for a host of things and not putting my head in the sand about the problems she's having.

In my culture, the issues my daughter faces aren't easily discussed. How will people feel about my openness to talk about things that are often kept so private? Give me time. I have much to catch you up on and I'll get there - little by little, but I will get there.