When my husband and I started this journey, I had no idea where it would take me. We wanted to be parents, and realizing early that pregnancy wasn't going to be easy, we quickly decided adoption was the way to go. After several foster daughters, a new born baby boy came to live with us. He was beautiful. He had a full head of hair as black and straight as I had ever seen.
As he grew, the hair got really curly and his deep dark eyes would just pierce through you. Today he is a happy, typical almost 9-year-old boy. But as he gets older, I wonder how living with a special needs sibling is impacting him.
When you live with a special needs child, everyday may bring something new. And often (especially in the diagnosing phase) they can consume a lot of your time. I am always worried that my son isn't getting the attention he deserves or that sometimes he can't quite understand the really odd things his sister might do and why my reaction to her behavior seems different.
I try to make sure that he has an outlet where he can feel special. He loves sports, so I keep him enrolled in an activity that's just about him. Right now we've been playing basketball and he's good. He really wants to try his hand and football and I think he would be even better at that. But mommy isn't ready. He has asthma and I just can't stand the thought of someone knocking my baby over!
My son has a natural athletic ability that is amazing. He can take off running and then stop and run the other way on a dime. He loves to run and while he is right-handed academically, he is all lefty in sports. He throws with his left hand, catches left-hand dominate, he even bowls with his left hand. But he has always used his right hand for writing.
Sometimes I marvel at his ability and wonder if his biological mom or dad was athletic. We know little about his biological parents and sometimes that makes me sad - because if he ever wants to know more about them, there isn't much I can say. Recently, some kids at school told him I wasn't his "real" mom because he was adopted. He cried and for the first time admitted that he was sad because he didn't know what his biological mom looked liked.
Adoption, as I have said before, has never been a secret in our home. We celebrate it, and once he got passed the "wound" of their words and realized that a mother is the person who does all of the things I do for him, he realized that while he may not know anything about his bio mom, I am his real mom. I know it doesn't take away the sting of wondering where he comes from, and I hope some day he and I can investigate that further, if he chooses to.
Outside of sports he is really smart in school. He has made the honor roll since kindergarten and he loves science. He wanted to be an "animal saver" until recently he mentioned being a police officer. And of course, all of this is contingent upon whether or not he is drafted into the NFL!
My son is a true delight and although it is sometimes difficult to balance his needs with the needs of his special needs sibling, I wouldn't trade this balancing act for anything else in this world!
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