The Write Way

...And Then There's My Son

When my husband and I started this journey, I had no idea where it would take me. We wanted to be parents, and realizing early that pregnancy wasn't going to be easy, we quickly decided adoption was the way to go. After several foster daughters, a new born baby boy came to live with us. He was beautiful. He had a full head of hair as black and straight as I had ever seen.

As he grew, the hair got really curly and his deep dark eyes would just pierce through you. Today he is a happy, typical almost 9-year-old boy. But as he gets older, I wonder how living with a special needs sibling is impacting him.

When you live with a special needs child, everyday may bring something new. And often (especially in the diagnosing phase) they can consume a lot of your time. I am always worried that my son isn't getting the attention he deserves or that sometimes he can't quite understand the really odd things his sister might do and why my reaction to her behavior seems different.

I try to make sure that he has an outlet where he can feel special. He loves sports, so I keep him enrolled in an activity that's just about him. Right now we've been playing basketball and he's good. He really wants to try his hand and football and I think he would be even better at that. But mommy isn't ready. He has asthma and I just can't stand the thought of someone knocking my baby over!

My son has a natural athletic ability that is amazing. He can take off running and then stop and run the other way on a dime. He loves to run and while he is right-handed academically, he is all lefty in sports. He throws with his left hand, catches left-hand dominate, he even bowls with his left hand. But he has always used his right hand for writing.

Sometimes I marvel at his ability and wonder if his biological mom or dad was athletic. We know little about his biological parents and sometimes that makes me sad - because if he ever wants to know more about them, there isn't much I can say. Recently, some kids at school told him I wasn't his "real" mom because he was adopted. He cried and for the first time admitted that he was sad because he didn't know what his biological mom looked liked.

Adoption, as I have said before, has never been a secret in our home. We celebrate it, and once he got passed the "wound" of their words and realized that a mother is the person who does all of the things I do for him, he realized that while he may not know anything about his bio mom, I am his real mom. I know it doesn't take away the sting of wondering where he comes from, and I hope some day he and I can investigate that further, if he chooses to.

Outside of sports he is really smart in school. He has made the honor roll since kindergarten and he loves science. He wanted to be an "animal saver" until recently he mentioned being a police officer. And of course, all of this is contingent upon whether or not he is drafted into the NFL!

My son is a true delight and although it is sometimes difficult to balance his needs with the needs of his special needs sibling, I wouldn't trade this balancing act for anything else in this world!

One Small Victory for My Kids

So, where did I leave off? The holidays were pretty good for the kids. We've had to adjust my daughter's meds and we've added occupational therapy to her list of appointments. I went ballistic and wrote my governor. I was sick and tired of getting the runaround with my daughter's meds.

As I may have mentioned before, my children will receive Medicaid until they turn 18. It is a benefit all former foster children in Florida have. The agency responsible for adoptions in my county assured me that along with any private insurance I may choose to purchase for them, I could use the Medicaid for their care. Well, that hadn't been my experience. To make a long story short. It took writing all the way to my State government to get it taken care of.

The experience has taught me that you have to be willing to be committed for the long haul. It was a lot of phone calls and a lot of complaining. I had to keep accurate record of every person I spoke to and show where I attempted to use the Medicaid, which meant pulling out the card and asking them to try and run it through even when I knew it wouldn't work.

The hardest part is that wouldn't you know it, places like Medicaid and government offices work the same hours I work. So that meant countless phone calls during my work day. But hey, I do what I have to for my kids.

The outcome: if anyone reading this is a foster parent in Florida and you need some Medicaid advice, drop me a line, I know more than I ever thought I would know.

But as with everything I try and learn something from the situation. In this instance, I learned that no matter how difficult it gets, or how bad it looks, I have to have endurance and a stick to it attitude. My children deserve nothing less.

I think sometimes government agencies think that the harder they make it for you to find the information you need, the more likely it is that you will give up and just go away. But I refused to allow them to get away with that. Just because my children are adopted and entitled to Medicaid doesn't mean they shouldn't be able to access whatever is afforded them.

It felt good to force them to do right by her. But overall she is doing well. Still noticeable mood swings, but they aren't as extreme since we started the medicine. I am proud of the strides she is making. She amazes me everyday, I just hope I can continue to be the champion and advocate she needs me to be.

Next time, I'll talk more about my son. When you have a special needs sibling, sometime they can drown out the spotlight. I think it's time I told you more about him. Stay Tuned!

Not Another New Year's Resolution

Yes, I know. I've fallen off the wagon - again. It's been what, almost three months since I posted? I feel terrible but hey, the holidays were... oh never mind. Let me just catch you up on what's been going on.

I've actually moved past just talking about changing course in my work life and I am actually doing something about it. I signed on with a work from home company. I start training next week. I want to see how it works and if I could really pull it off. I'll use the extra money to pay off a few bills and get ready for my next step.

I went to the library and did a bit of research for the non-profit. Have I ever mentioned the non-profit before? My sisters and I founded a non-profit, Sisters Empowering Women (SEW), Inc. a few years ago. I would love to secure enough grant funding to make that my full time gig. Since the non-profit is mine, it makes for being my own boss. And I could do the work from home thing a few hours a week here and there.

Anyway, in case I've never mentioned SEW, we work with at-risk teenage girls with a special emphasis on girls in foster care (pretty obvious why that is right?). I'm hoping to get a few foundations to love SEW as much as I do.

Strangely, as bad as the economy is right now, I am optimistic about what I can accomplish with a lot of faith and hard work this year.  I know that I have to just take that bold step forward and make it happen. Sometimes I get really motivated (like I am right now) and then work, laundry, my daughter's appointments, my son's basketball games and practices, all of it just closes in and I am beat by the time I get home. That's when I fall off the wagon and take a 3-month hiatus from writing!! I just can't afford to do that anymore. If I want to make this thing work and really leave the 9 to 5 behind, I have to work my plan!

I know, non-profit work can be risky business. But honestly, I love it! There's nothing that fuels me more than watching a simple act of kindness change the life of someone else. So, I've got about 5 letters of inquiry for grants I am mailing tomorrow. And I'm back on the writing wagon. It's the only way I can stay sane. I hope that some of you will keep track of me and make me accountable.

Next time, I'll update you on how the kids have been. Lots of changes since I last posted. But why bore you will all the details at once? Don't want to overload you. It's just good to be back!