The Write Way

Two Little Words

So I started this blog as a way to put my thoughts down and as a way to free myself from what I sometimes am ashamed to admit. It's strange because intellectually I know it's nothing to be ashamed of, but socially... well that's a different story.

When you have children and for me a daughter especially, you dream of all of the things the two of you will share - shopping together, having a girls day out, watching her as she discovers boys, helping her pick out the hair style she likes best, those kinds of things.

Well, my relationship with my daughter hasn't always been what I had hoped. I've always believed that there was some sort of trauma in my baby's life and some heredity that has caused her to have some real difficulty. And even as I write about it now, it's hard to actually type the words.

Truthfully, part of it is that I believe that my daughter, even at her age, has a right to her privacy. But in part it's because I just don't know how people will react. In the African American community, seeking counseling for whatever the reason isn't done often. We just don't believe that it's necessary, that's something other folks do. I hope that eventually I'll find the courage to really address it, even in this blog, in hopes of helping someone else find a way to deal with a child with challenges.

I've had to learn to alter my expectations of what my relationship with my daughter will be like. And I'm learning that different is OK.  She can be delightful at times and I am learning to just embrace those times and to be there for her when she's having a rough go of it. She's still young and my prayer is that eventually, she might get over the hump. My mother is convinced that by middle school she will be just fine - that God will make it alright. And while I believe that God can do anything, I want to be sure that I am prepared for the reality that He may decide to leave things as they are.

I am also learning to be grateful for her challenges. Not grateful in the way you might think, but grateful for what it has taught me and for the fact that I have been blessed with the opportunity to be the mommy that will help her with those challenges. It's taught me how to pray even the more. And I can truly say I know what it means to really put the needs of someone else before my own.

So bare with me. I am working on getting up the courage to use two words in my writing as it relates to my daughter. Two very powerful words that while I have been able to say them in my head and even use them out loud once or twice, writing them seems to be a lot harder for me. For now though, when you say a prayer, say one for my daughter and for her mommy and daddy and brother. We are all impacted by her disability and we are all the better for it. 

Changing Priorities

You know it's funny. When I was younger, all I wanted to be was a reporter. I wanted to cover the news, particularly education and write stories that were compelling, thought provoking and easy to read. I held on to that dream from elementary school and on into college. I majored in Journalism and after graduation, I became the education reporter for a bureau of my hometown newspaper.

The long hours came with the territory and I didn't mind it at all. I was living my dream - or so I thought. It's funny how your priorities can shift and change your entire perspective. Now, I want nothing more than for the workday to come to an end so that I can get home to what matters most to me -being a wife and a mother. But as the economy worsens and more and more of us are just trying to keep our jobs, it irritates me to see what many employers are doing. While I am no longer working as a reporter, I am still in the Communications field. And often I feel pressured to check e-mail when I have a sick child or I am really off and on vacation. They just aren't family friendly.

Take today. My oldest child is a chronic asthmatic and this allergy season has been rough. It often starts with sneezing and itchy eyes but in the blink of an eye, he develops a deep and sometimes painful cough. He had trouble sleeping last night and so I kept him home for part of the day. But once he began to perk up a bit, I asked how he felt about me going to work for the second half of the day while he goes to grandma's office with his sleeping bag to watch a movie and relax. He wasn't thrilled but he agreed. I felt awful but I also felt pressured to get into the office and work. I hate feeling as though I am obligated to work, even when I need to be there for my children. And as you know, I have a younger child with special needs. I want to spend as much time as I need to making sure her issues are addressed. But with this economy, everyone is so concerned about having a job, (me included) that we find ourselves committing more time to work. I feel that I must give 200 percent to work to make sure I keep my job.

I am sure many of you feel the same. But here's what I propose (or at least what I plan to do for me). Right now, I know my family needs my income so I'll keep working. But I am going to use my burning desire to spend more time parenting and less time working on someone else's dime to motivate me. Take tonight. It's after 11 p.m. and I am to report to work at 7 a.m. tomorrow. But I'm up writing - because my goal is to use my background as a writer to further my blog, gain more freelance opportunities and promote my website on adoption. Each day I'll report to work, grateful for a job, but secretly finding the motivation to turn my passion into a way of life and a means to help support my family. If you feel the way I do, then I challenge you to do the same. Research how possible it might be to turn what you love into a business. Look for franchising opportunities or work-from-home sites. And never let anyone make you feel guilty for taking time to care for your children (I'm still working on that one myself). The next time I have a sick little one, I'll let you know what I decided to do about work.

Just trying to find my way

So I have a good excuse this time for not blogging the entire month of September. Things have really begun to take a toll on me with my daughter and I'm trying to find my way. As I've told you before, my husband and I adopted both of our children and while it was a wonderful experience, the last few months have been rough.

As you may already know, I value the privacy my children deserve so I try to share without telling EVERYTHING about them. So, let's just say my daughter suffered some pretty rough trauma before she came to live with us and it still haunts her today. I've been struggling with what services and assistance she needs and this process has brought me to a pretty important conclusion - I am going to have to analyze just how much longer I can work a traditional 40 hour per week job. It just doesn't leave enough time to do what my daughter needs me to do.

And yes, I still dream of having my own business and I've made a few decisions on that end. But I am still nervous about taking the plunge, setting a date to resign and leaving the business world behind. I am making progress though. I have at least, come up with a plan. Like most moms I am struggling to get it all done, and now, as I discover the special needs and attention my daughter will require, I find myself less and less interested in going to work.

I know there are many moms struggling with some of the same concerns I have and as I take this journey I hope to hear from some of you trying to decide how to get the right work/life balance. Stay tuned, later this week I'll tell you a little more about my daughter, my plan and about the things you need to remember if you decide to adopt from your state child welfare system.