The Write Way

A Mom and the Vice President

The nomination of Sarah Palin as vice presidential candidate for the Republican Party has sparked quite a bit of debate. Is she ready to lead? Is she qualified? Should we be concerned about her daughter’s pregnancy?

 

While all of those questions are intriguing, the question that interests me the most deals with how this self-proclaimed hockey mom will juggle motherhood and the demands of the job as Vice President and possibly President, should something happen to John McCain. 

 

This question strikes a chord with me because as the mother of two children, including a special needs child, I struggle daily to meet the demands of my job, marriage, motherhood and all that comes with it.

 

I work a full-time job as a communications manager. Because I must work, it leaves less time to do what I need to do for my children, especially my daughter. Although she does not have something as severe as Downs Syndrome, (like Palin’s son) her diagnoses (and there are several) require regular doctor’s visits to various specialists, a daily regimen of medication and close monitoring in school. 

 

I’ve already had to see the teacher at least three times and they’ve only been in school for a month.  For whatever reason, she isn’t eating lunch so that has to be addressed, and then there are the activities the specialists suggest I do with my daughter to help her become more successful. Having a special needs child is something very hard to understand until you live it - it’s fighting with insurance companies for benefits, making sure you do your research before you agree to yet another medication, helping her feel good about herself even though she may be different from other children, keeping up with doctor’s visit, researching the diagnoses you’re given so you know what to do, and the list goes on.

And then there is the guilt. Remember I have two children. My son needs my attention too. He loves sports and shouldn’t be deprived of participating just because I need to focus on his sister. He has homework too and is in the third grade so we are already focused on the overbearing FCAT. Sometimes I feel guilty because I don’t think I give him all of the attention he deserves. I feel bad when I am late to one of his games because his sister has an appointment.

 

I feel guilty when I’m sometimes so tired at the end of the day that I may not remember to ask my husband how his day went. I feel guilty because by the time you work a full day, pick up the kids from aftercare, feed them, check homework and get baths, there’s little time for much else before bed. I haven’t figured out how to balance the needs of two children who are close in age but miles a part in terms of their levels of development. How do I make time to connect with my husband and not focus all of my time away from work on my children?

 

I can’t say that Palin’s decision to accept a place on the ticket is right or wrong. But I do believe that when you have kids you must often put your desires on hold to do whatever is necessary for the children. There was a time when I had big dreams for my career. But today, my biggest dream is to find some way to tip the scale, more time with family, less time with work. The chance to be the first woman on the Republican ticket may be the career move of a lifetime, but the job of mom is the most important one any mother will ever do. If the Republicans win the bid, I’ll be interested to see how this hockey mom pulls it off. Maybe she can give me a few pointers -  I’m still trying to figure it out.

Enough Already!

So I wasn't going to comment on the whole Michael Vick thing as I think it has been way over done. But hey, I just can't help myself.

First, let me way that I am very disappointed in Vick and what he did was absolutely wrong. Having said that, I have to admit that I'm little amazed by the outpouring for these animals. While I believe that animals are God's creatures and harming them in the way that Vick did means you may have some serious demons to deal with, but I can't say that I remember the same outpouring when an athlete has done harm to a human being.

Kobe Bryant was accused of rape, get that, rape. During the trial and all of the drama surrounding it, Bryant would fly back and forth to court on a Laker plane and never missed a game.

Jason Kidd hit his wife in the mouth, allegedly because she objected to him eating one of their son's fries, and not once, did he miss play.

Many have been arrested for drunk driving, turning tons of steel into a deadly weapon, but they play anyway.

Now some may say hey, Bryant had a right to play until he had his day in court.  But Vick didn't get that chance. He was suspended immediately and tried and convicted before he ever rendered that guilty plea. And then there are those who say he should never be allowed to play again. Give me a break. Whatever happened to doing your time and then having the chance to redeem yourself and become a part of society?They allow convicted felons, child molesters, murders, you name it, to work. Sure, I don't think he should be allowed to be a manager in a pet store, but not play football? I don't know if I can go along with that.

He's pleaded guilty, he'll be sentenced and punished. After that, let the man move on with his life, what more do we want from him? Football is all he knows and like many athletes, I am sure he was given a pass on a lot of things he may have done wrong because he was good on the field. And now, because many of us believe he's taken his privilege too far, we want to strip him of it all. In my city a coach just recently suspended eight players for leaving campus more than once even when they were told not to, during the school day.

They didn't get to play in the season opener. Some parents thought the punishment was too harsh. I disagree. If we don't start holding them accountable for their actions now, then later, when we think they should know better, we want to impose rules that they've never had to follow - talk about a double standard. Say what you will, Vick was an awesome football player and no matter what the league does, no matter what anyone may think of him now, there's no taking that away from him.

The N-Word

Earlier this week, the NAACP had a mock funeral as a symbolic gesture of the organization's belief that Black folks should kill their use of the N-word.

For those of you who may not be keeping up with this issue, it's been a hot topic of late. The N-word, as we all know, was a derogatory term for Black people used first during slavery and oppression. In present day, many Black people have turned it into just a word used when talking with one another, some say a term of endearment ( I wouldn't go THAT far, but to each his own). And while Blacks use the term in everyday dialogue with each other and while rappers use it more than they use their own names, it isn't a term the Black community wants to hear others use to describe them.

So the argument goes, is that hypocritical? Truthfully, we each have to determine that for ourselves. I know that I can see both sides of the argument, but more importantly, and as usual, I think we are focusing on the wrong thing. I mean, let's be real, when a White person calls a Black person the N-word, it isn't because they love them. And as to what we (as Black folks) call each other, well, that's our business - whether it makes sense or not.

What I do know is that while we are having a mock funeral for the N-word, black-on-black crime is steadily increasing, the justice system is turning back the clock in our schools and soon segregation may once again reign supreme (and you can already see how predominately black schools are treated unfairly), racism still abounds in the workplace, the criminal justice system houses Black men like it's some kind of dormitory and there are still more Black children growing up in foster care than any other race.

So while I think having a conversation about the N-word may be important, we have bigger issues at hand. And while we worry about who is calling us the N-word, we need to be more concerned with who is treating us like one. If we don't get it together, before we know it, the clock will turn back on much of the progress we as a people have made, now THAT, is something to mourn.

The Grammys and the President of the United States

I've successfully stayed away from any talk of the Iraq War, but after watching the Grammys last night I've decided that it's the perfect time to weigh in on one part of the War issue.

Last night the Dixie Chicks won three of the coveted awards at the Grammys including Album of the Year and Song of the Year. Their song, Not Ready to Make Nice expresses their feelings over the way they've been treated since one of the group members expressed her feelings about President Bush.

About three years ago, the group's lead singer, Natalie Maines ruffled quite a few feathers when she said she was ashamed that the President was from her home state of Texas.  She received death threats and country music fans protested and threatened to turn off their radios if stations played Dixie Chicks music.

Huh?

I am not a fan of President Bush; I voted for the other guy (heck, I'm not even a country music fan). And perhaps some would say that my own feelings may have a lot to do with the way I view Maines' comments, but c'mon, death threats?  We in America have to decide which side of the fence we want to be on.  How can we embrace the concept of freedom of speech and then, the minute someone says something we don't agree with, threaten to kill them?  Deciding not to listen to Dixie Chicks music is one thing, taking the time to write a letter with the exact time and location you plan to kill Maines is something quite different.

I oppose the war and I think President Bush was less than honest when he asked Congress to authorize going to war - because of that, thousands of Americans have died.  But I don't wish harm to come to those who disagree with my opinion.  Just as I have a right to oppose the war, they have the right to agree with it.  What ever happened to good old-fashioned differences of opinion? It's what makes life exciting. When did it turn violent?  It's almost as if any opposition to the war or the President is seen as well, un-American. But how can that be? This land is full of different cultures, races, ethnic groups, you name it. There are bound to be different views.

Ok, let's try putting it into perspective in this way.  Anybody still talking about Michael Richards? Remember him -the comedian who played Krammer on Seinfeld who used the "N" word during a stand up routine as though it was just another adjective? There was outcry at first, but no death threats. Now, it's a distant memory, and he's still working as a stand up comic. Yet, almost three years later people just can't forget what Maines had to say. According to 60 Minutes, the song is only number #38 on the Billboard Charts because many still refuse to support the group. And she is still receiving death threats. Funny how differently the two situations are viewed, isn't it?

Whether you agree with her or not, this country was founded on allowing her the right to express her self, even if it means saying she isn't a fan of George Bush. She didn't break any laws or threaten the President's life, she simply said she just doesn't particularly like the guy; many have said much worse and I am sure many more will.  If you want to boycott their music, go ahead, but I don't understand how people can't see that resorting to death threats is much worse than Natalie Maines wishing the President was from Nebraska.

No Matter Your Size...

I recently had a conversation with a close girlfriend that I just couldn't wait to write about. Since she was in her early twenties, she's had an on again off again relationship with the father of her son who is now in third or fourth grade. Recently he took her and their son out for dinner. She was excited as he seems to be finally getting is life together. She put on what she thought was a great looking outfit and waited for him to arrive.

But the comment he made about her appearance when he got there wasn't at all what she expected. He told her she'd gained a bit too much weight for the top she was wearing. She was shocked of course and protested that she had been about the same size for the last few years. To that, he told her that she needed to work on her mid-section, you know, "loose some weight in your stomach," he said. This, from a man who's about 50 pounds overweight.

His comment was typical of what goes on in our society; women who may have a few pounds they could stand to lose aren't regarded as attractive or desirable. Recently Tyra Banks was forced to defend her 30-pound weight gain since leaving the modeling scene. But a man with a few pounds to lose can still be regarded as sexy and attractive, and the weight often comes without mention. Why is that?

Comments like the one he made to my friend are exactly the kinds of remarks that lead many women to eating disorders and drastic measures to be thin.  My friend for example, was completely unable to eat at dinner and has been conscious of everything she's put in her mouth since then.

According to most reports, more than half of the population is at least slightly overweight and many are obese.  So, it stands to reason, most of us have little room to comment on the weight of others.  How much you weigh should have nothing to do with your talent, ability or beauty. Jennifer Hudson is proof of that. They thought she was too fat to have the look they wanted on American Idol, now she's an awarding winning actress with an Oscar nomination. And it's true of my friend. She is a strong, beautiful young woman raising her son virtually on her own. To me, no matter how much she weighs, THAT is beautiful.

I hope that some day society will take a hard look at beauty and remember to include everyone, fat, skinny, tall, short, light, dark - whatever, it can all be beautiful.  Until then, here's to every woman, no matter your size, doing what it takes to raise your children, have a successful career, build healthy relationships, and so much more. And here's to my friend, no matter your size, I admire you. You go girls!

A Job to Complain About

Anyone reading my blog regularly knows that I am working to make 2007 my year to take my writing and PR consulting business to the next level.  And you know that while I am working on that, I am still holding on to my "day job."  I'm not ready just yet to take that leap and quit, mostly because of my two children. My husband is working yes, but life would be totally different for them if I stopped working my day job right now.

I have to be honest, getting up to go to that job is getting harder. Each day only shows me that working for myself is really what I want to do. The past week has been especially tough. I won't bore you with the details, just know that coming to work hasn't been fun. But over the weekend, I saw something that gave me a different perspective - one that I think can help many of us who struggle with going to a job we hate each day.

ABC's Diane Sawyer had a special on 20/20 called Waiting for the World to Change. She followed three children for a year in Camden, NJ living in poverty without enough food to eat. The story that struck me most was a little 4-year-old boy, Ivan, about to begin school. As the school evaluates his ability to count and know his numbers, he proudly shows what he knows, that is until they asked him about the three meals we should eat a day. He had no idea you were to eat that many times a day, much less that they had a name - breakfast, lunch and dinner. There was no breakfast for Ivan before he left for school. He dreams of a better job for his mother so they can have a decent place to sleep and food to eat.

His story made me stop and really think. My children never wonder if they are going to eat. They eat three square meals a day, not to mention snacks. They have more than enough to wear and a good majority of the things they want. They each have their own room complete with a bed, dresser, desk, toys and computer. My ability to work at a more than minimum wage job, along with my husband's income, has made all of that possible. I bet Ivan's mother would give anything to have a job making half of what many of us make.

So starting today, I am going to work hard not to complain and be grateful that I have a job to complain about. It doesn't mean that I'm going to be complacent - 2007 is still the year for my business to go to the next level. But while I'm working my day job I am going to remember Ivan, his younger brother and his mother. I am going to remember that but for the grace of God, I could be her. And I'm going to find out if there's a way to give Ivan and his family a little hope and let his mother know that she's not alone.

Thanks to Deborah Ng of www.writersrow.com. She gave the writeway a great review and many have stopped to visit my blog because of that. I promised that in return, I would encourage my readers to visit the blog of someone I liked, so visit: http://kayoz.typepad.com/. This is the blog of a thirty-something Australian mother on parenting, pregnancy and everyday life. Or, try: http://earlyr.blogspot.com/. This is the blog of Ryan Early, he calls himself an observer of the human condition. Enjoy!

Football and the President of the United States

Over the weekend, Senator Hillary Clinton announced her candidacy for president. True, while she isn't the first woman to run for this office, she is the first woman to have a better than 50/50 shot at winning. But then, with Americans furious at our current administration for the bloody and divisive war we find ourselves in, any candidate the Democrats come up with has a better than 50/50 chance.

But politics is a fickle business and public opinion can change more often than the host of an awards show changes clothes. And the larger question still remains - is the country ready for a female president? Or what about an African American president? Without a doubt the media darling of the moment for the race for the White House is Illinois senator Barack Obama. And although he currently trails Senator Clinton in the polls of public opinion, he has opposed the war from the start and he seems to win the hearts of many every time he speaks.

I for one, would vote for either of them. Not just because I'm African American and female, but because I believe diversity in the office is sorely lacking. It bothers me that in more than 200 years of presidents, not one has ever been female or a minority. How is that possible? True, past presidents have diversified their cabinets and appointments and that is a step in the right direction, but when are we going to really practice what we preach?

To me, America can only truly tout that we are the land of the free and home of the brave, embracers of diversity and founders of the American dream, when we break this barrier. True proof, would be to allow a woman or minority to be our Commander-and-Chief, balance our budgets, find health care reform, relief from rising insurance rates and all the rest of it. What are we afraid of? Surely they can't do any worse than those who have been trying to get it right for decades.  I look forward to the 2008 race and I'm excited about casting my vote, especially if Barack or Hillary are on the ballot. It would be a chance to participate in making history.

And speaking of history I just can't end without telling you how honored I am to have had the chance to witness history, with not one but two Black coaches taking their teams to the Superbowl. In a sport that just a few years ago had very few Black head coaches, two of them are about to face-off in football's greatest race.  I for one plan to watch every moment of it. Even if you're not a football fan, this one, much like the 2008 presidential race, is worth watching.

- This blog is updated every Monday. Your comments to author Karin Davis-Thompson are always welcomed, just click on the comments link below.

Changing Priorities

You know it's funny. When I was younger, all I wanted to be was a reporter. I wanted to cover the news, particularly education and write stories that were compelling, thought provoking and easy to read. I held on to that dream from elementary school and on into college. I majored in Journalism and after graduation, I became the education reporter for a bureau of my hometown newspaper.

The long hours came with the territory and I didn't mind it at all. I was living my dream - or so I thought. It's funny how your priorities can shift and change your entire perspective. Now, I want nothing more than for the workday to come to an end so that I can get home to what matters most to me -being a wife and a mother. But as the economy worsens and more and more of us are just trying to keep our jobs, it irritates me to see what many employers are doing. While I am no longer working as a reporter, I am still in the Communications field. And often I feel pressured to check e-mail when I have a sick child or I am really off and on vacation. They just aren't family friendly.

Take today. My oldest child is a chronic asthmatic and this allergy season has been rough. It often starts with sneezing and itchy eyes but in the blink of an eye, he develops a deep and sometimes painful cough. He had trouble sleeping last night and so I kept him home for part of the day. But once he began to perk up a bit, I asked how he felt about me going to work for the second half of the day while he goes to grandma's office with his sleeping bag to watch a movie and relax. He wasn't thrilled but he agreed. I felt awful but I also felt pressured to get into the office and work. I hate feeling as though I am obligated to work, even when I need to be there for my children.  And as you know, I have a younger child with special needs. I want to spend as much time as I need to making sure her issues are addressed. But with this economy, everyone is so concerned about having a job, (me included) that we find ourselves committing more time to work.  I feel that I must give 200 percent to work to make sure I keep my job.

I am sure many of you feel the same. But here's what I propose (or at least what I plan to do for me). Right now, I know my family needs my income so I'll keep working. But I am going to use my burning desire to spend more time parenting and less time working on someone else's dime to motivate me. Take tonight. It's after 11 p.m. and I am to report to work at 7 a.m. tomorrow. But I'm up writing - because my goal is to use my background as a writer to further my blog, gain more freelance opportunities and promote my website on adoption. Each day I'll report to work, grateful for a job, but secretly finding the motivation to turn my passion into a way of life and a means to help support my family.

If you feel the way I do, then I challenge you to do the same. Research how possible it might be to turn what you love into a business. Look for franchising opportunities or work-from-home sites. And never let anyone make you feel guilty for taking time to care for your children (I'm still working on that one myself). The next time I have a sick little one, I'll let you know what I decided to do about work.